fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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