allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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