Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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