I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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