Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize