My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
