It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
