Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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