i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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