I accidentally burped into my bong.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
