She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
