Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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