I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
