We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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