So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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