My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
