Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
