Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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