i don't like sucking hair
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
