Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
