I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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