the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
