i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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