Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
