the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
