i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
