Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
