I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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