just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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