He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
