I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
