I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're breaking my sexual little heart
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
