Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
