i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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