and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
