Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
