my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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