Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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