I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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