I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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