Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
