we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
