I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
