If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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