I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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