She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
