that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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