Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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