she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
