Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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