Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
