I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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