next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We are all done wearing pants today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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