That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
