is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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