Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
