just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
