is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize