Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
