oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
