We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
