he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
