I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found the puke drawer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
