Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
