Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
