Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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